Friday, October 5, 2007

massage and Sex

Massage +sex
Massage - the sensual caress
While men need to see in order to get aroused, women prefer the emotions given by the touch, taste and smell. But it's not always true that men are interested more in the intercourse than in all preceding aspects, such as caresses, kisses and whispers. The emancipation of women resulted in a great need of warmth, intimacy and generosity of both partners. Men and women now have a lot to give, and this results in changing their own behavior starting with the preliminaries, and taking their time in trusting the partner, knowing his/her needs and desires.
Speeches are fine at a table or in a debate, but in bed rather than speaking too much it is recommended to "speak" the language of gestures, being guided by instincts and personal sensitiveness, but especially by the desire to communicate, perfectly done by our bodies and better than words.
Learning to become an expert in massage starts by learning to use the hands (and even mouth) to transmit your desire of loving and being loved. It's not difficult. Once you are not shy anymore to show yourself nude, you should relax, breathe deeply and slowly, relaxing all muscles. Abandon yourself with courage, without thinking to what will happen afterwards, be it consequences or the possibility of not behaving properly. This should be a moment of joy, of having a positive attitude and of being spontaneous, and not concerned by what the other might think if you behave one way or the other.
Use the hands to show your partner your warmth. Follow with your fingers or forefinger the shape of his/her body and face. Thrill them and let your partner feel that, if you do it, it's because you like it and you'd like to feel the same things. You can insist in some particular places in order to discover where your partner finds pleasure, but without pretending a response, which will come anyway.
Limit yourself to give, without impatience and the rush to switch to the next move. Human beings love caresses and the physical contact. Caresses, at the subconscious level, recall the love of the mother over the infant, the contact with the warmth of her body. For some persons, the time spent for the preliminaries is therefore the happiest, the most intense. Not only for women, but also for men who can most of the times finally relax in the arms of their loved one, thanks to her caresses and massage. Pinches can also stimulate, if they are not painful, but only provocative. As it is the case of drawing the body shape with the nails, leaving slight red streaks, which are not painful but show a mute desire of possession. .
It is important to continue to thrill and caress avoiding a sudden stop and interrumption of the spell the partner is living. Tickling a particularly erogenous zone can be the prelude for a more intense intimacy, but also a way to better make your partner participate. It is important to know when to cease with this tickling, i.e. when it's not too late, especially for the male!
An ancient oriental technique is to massage and thrill the erogenous zones of the male or female, and then stop this and do it somewhere else right before the orgasm, and therefore repeat all this several times, thus turning your partner on and waiting, which can be very stimulating if the pleasure doesn't come too late. The repeatedly frustrated desire can finally make your partner impatient, making him/her nervous and ruining the orgasm in the end. Besides hands, you can caress with the mouth, by moving the lips anywhere your fingers would move on your partner's body. It's obvious this offers pleasure for both lovers. Together with the mouth you can lick parts of his/her body with your tongue, thus using the sense of taste, inevitably linked to the smell.
As it is the case in the animal world, the smell has a great erotic power; you can fall in love with the natural perfume of your partner's body, unique for any male or female.
When kissing, the taste and smell act together and therefore it is possible to curiously taste, lick and sniff your lover, as infants do when they take to their mouth an unknown object due tro the instinct and desire to discover.
There are various ways to caress with the mouth:
You can limit it to thrilling the partner's skin, as you'd do it with the hands, and at least whisper tender and passionate words, as the warmth of the breath can "caress" the epidermis;
Or you can use the tongue for tickling the most sensitive parts, in order to arouse those areas as you'd do for the genitals; they have the power to inflame the body, and even bring it to the brink of the orgasm;
You can also bite, if within reasonable limits, i.e not painful. Some persons prefer bites in less delicate areas, such as thighs, buttocks and arms; others instead prefer the opposite: gentle bites of the nipples, lips and inner side of the thighs, which thrill and stimulate the body;
It can prove very pleasant licking with affection many areas of the body and even the face. It's a tender gesture and expresses the desire of taking care and protect the loved one;
With the mouth you can also suck, and this is an instinctive gesture for both males and females, recalling the moments of the breast feeding. Almost all males find very tender and arousing sucking the breast of their lover, especially that the nipples are one of the most sensitive areas for a female. Instead, females, who should know that sucking their lover's nipples is disturbing, should take care of their genitals, thus obtaining the same sensation of a deep intimacy.
You can also caress with other parts of your body, such as hair, nose, head, breasts. Even holding in the arms for more seconds can be considered a caress. Or staying in bed with the legs and arms around the other one, especially after the intercourse, when it's important to keep the profound and intimate contact.
On the other hand, the sudden break of the contact caused generally by the fatigue and sleep, results sometimes in depressions, even if not immediately shown, especially for the female, and risks compromising the effect of all the warmth and tenderness that may have been present before. And if the need for sleep, especially in the evening, can be understood, it doesn't make sense the lack of words that usually accompanies it. Sometimes, several words may be sufficient to communicate to the partner that the need for sleep is not a lack of love but a necessity in that moment, and assure your partner of your best feelings.

The erogenous zones
If you admit that erogenous zones are all those parts of the body, particularly sensitive to sensual caresses, it's natural to state that the whole epidermis can be defined as erogenous.
It cannot be defined an area as more erogenous than others, except for the ones common to anyone, such as the breasts or genitals.
Females appreciate very much the caresses over the breasts, and especially the stimulation of the nipples. Very sensitive are also the neck, especially on the sides and backhead, and the skin of the head, covered by hair. Fortunately, the female's hair has always been admired by males, who find pleasure in caressing it. The inner side of the thighs and the genitals are clearly erogenous zones of both males and females. For women, the nerves' terminals are concentrated in the clitoris which, if stimulated, turns more into red and becomes more rigid. Its stimulation leads, for many women, to a type of orgasm much more intense than the vaginal one.
Males, who often like more the caresses over the genitals, have a particularly sensitive part, that many times is underestimated or unknown by females. It's the area from the perineum up to the anus, where the erectile parts of the penis reside. In the same way, some females don't know that, although a male's chest is very sensitive, being able to be thrilled with her hair or nipples, it is not always arousing for males the stimulation of their nipples (very efficient for females, instead). It seems that about 50% of males are annoyed by this type of touch and prefer instead caresses over the neck, belly and back.
The ear is also very erogenous for both females and males, and therefore is object for playing with it either with the tongue or with the teeth (when gently biting it). Other erogenous zones are those where the blood is closer to the surface and thus makes the skin warmer and more sensitive. For example, at the wrist, back side of the knee and ankles.
Instead, the massage of the feet, sole and toes has the power to relax the whole body and the nerves, and to calm.
Naturally, both males and females love the caresses over the buttocks, and sometimes even bites, as an expression of a possession instinct of their lover.
Another particular gesture that thrills the partner's body is to draw the whole back, from the backhead to the anus, with the forefinger, pressing somehow firmly the spine. The softness of the female's hips has always attracted the male's caresses, but women can also find attractive to thrill with the fingers the solidity of the male's belly, especially that while aroused, the male has a contraction of the muscles in that region. Even the caress of a shoulder with a concave hand is a way to feel the softness of the female's body or the virility of a male. In both cases, either males or females can direct their companion's hands towards the areas they feel more desirable to be caressed, or whispering this to him/her, and this should make the other one excited about what they are about to discover in their partner's sexual behavior.

The importance of massage
The massage is a way to thrill, touch and communicate, it's an opportunity to recover the pleasure of the sensitiveness and touch, and also for regaining the lost intimacy within a couple. The erotic massage is a way to lead the couple to the essence of sensuality, of a more profound contact, often confuse and cancelled by the simple focus on genitals.
Such massage is not reserved only for "professionals" but for all those who prove a considerable desire of love for their own body and those of the others, especially for the partner's. The massage is able to generate harmony and warmth.
The breath control is very important for an efective relaxing. It is advised that the person giving massage use the nose for breathing inorder to accumulate energy and pay attention to any reaction of the partner's body, while the person receiving the massage should use the mouth for breathing for a total abandon. Prior to starting the massage, it is advised to rub your hands to have them warm, and afterwards place one of them on the partner's belly, as if you were listening the inside vibrations and sighs. In fact, this serves to give calm and peace, and therefore slow down the breath and relax the muscles and nerves.
Afterwards, the massage should be performed on any part of the body, being guided by the instinct: it's important to have in view all parts, even the face and feet. Especially the feet massage has influence over other parts of the body, being well-known in therapeutical sessions, as some people find stimulating the body health the barefoot walk on a natural terrain, on grass or stones on a river shore. Instead, the face massage is used to create an intimacy and trust between the two partners, and even to stimulate the senses due to the meridians of energy that cross the head and face, according to the Japanese theories.
It's no doubt about the fact that massage has no side effects, especially when it's performed with the sole intent of creating an ideal condition for calm and relaxing, for the benefit of both lovers.

sensual massage

This is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation becomes inevitable (stimulation then continues in a few moments, after the urgency fades).For WomenThis is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period of time. Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves (if needed or desired) within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet over this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape over the sides of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving partner (keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished. PropsPieces of (possibly fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual tantalization, and an eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking out any unwanted light for your partner.MusicPutting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite music on repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask him or her.If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails and clip them if necessary.LubricationOne similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing.One difference between men and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections.Don'tsAlso remember that condoms are weakened by oil so it is important to ensure a waterbased lubricant when using condoms. Please be sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to do anything but irritate.For genital massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket.Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy.Good CommunicationDuring both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure.Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and feet.Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones.TechniquesWhen giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table. After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals, teasing them.This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and somehow ask his or her permission to go further.The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex CentersFor MenThe basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one.Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first. It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac. As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.Suggested Genital Massage StrokesThere are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best.One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.Sliding Stroke -With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip.Double Slide Stroke -Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion.Teaser Stroke -Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability.It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop.At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.For WomenFemale sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual response, in the following ways:Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of warmth towards her partner. Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and how they like it done.Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly experience. Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).It's because of latter that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.Suggested Genital Massage StrokesWomen vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation.Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc. Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favored among women, there are many more.ClitoralWhen massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure.Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.G-SpotThe G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes, not always a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra.One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion.Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases.You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.Do and Enjoy and send me feedback!